Das Drama des begabten Kindes und die Suche nach dem wahren Selbst vs Self-esteem, a family affair

Das Drama des begabten Kindes und die Suche nach dem wahren Selbst

Alice Miller

1979

The “drama” of the gifted—i.e., sensitive, alert—child consists of his recognition at a very early age of his parents' needs and of his adaptation to those needs. In the process, he learns to repress rather than to acknowledge his own intense feelings because they are unacceptable to his parents. Although it will not always be possible to avoid these “ugly” feelings (anger, indignation, despair, jealousy, fear) in the future, they will split off, and the most vital part of the “true self” (a key phrase in Alice Miller's works) will not be integrated into the personality. This leads to emotional insecurity and loss of self, which are revealed in depression or concealed behind a facade of grandiosity.Alice Miller defines the ideal state of genuine vitality, of free access to the true self and to authentic individual feelings that have their roots in childhood, as “healthy narcissism.” Narcissistic disturbances, on the other hand, represent for her solitary confinement of the true self within the prison of the false self. This is regarded less as an illness than as a tragedy.The examples Alice Miller presents make us aware of the child's unarticulated suffering and of the tragedy of parents who are unavailable to their children—the same parents who, when they were children, were available to fill their parents' needs. In her psychoanalytical work, Dr. Miller found that her patients' ability to experience authentic feelings, especially feelings of sadness, had been for the most part destroyed; it was her task to help her patients try to regain that long-lost capacity for genuine feelings that is the source of natural vitality. Many people who have read her books have discovered within themselves for the first time in their lives the little child they once were. This may explain the unusually strong and deep reactions Alice Miller's books have evoked in so many readers from different countries. The Drama of the Gifted Child and the Search for the True Self is the origina

Self-esteem, a family affair

Jean Illsley Clarke

1978

Serving as a source of parental support, this book provides a range of imaginative and effective suggestions for dealing with each family member in ways that nourish self-esteem for all involved. Strong self-esteem is a critical ingredient for human happiness--and its development begins at home in the nurturing interactions between children and adults. Clarke's unique approach to building self-esteem begins with her belief that this is indeed a "family affair." Rather than offering collection of dictatorial "should," Self-Esteem: A Family Affair instead serves as a source of parental support, providing a broad range of imaginative and effective suggestions for dealing with individual family members in ways that nourish self-esteem for all involved.Throughout her book, Clarke encourages parents to claim their strengths and to trust their judgment as they make decisions about appropriate child care. Recognizing, too, that kids' needs are best met by adults whose own needs have not been neglected, Clarke offers a range of creative and workable options for parents to build the self-esteem of children while also caring for their emotional needs.Jean Illsley Clarke, author of Hazelden's Growing Up Again: Parenting Ourselves, Parenting Our Children, is a writer and an internationally recognized parent educator who specializes in the areas of parenting, self-esteem, family dynamics, and adult children of alcoholics. She currently directs the Self-Esteem Center, which she founded in 1975, and lives in Plymouth, Minnesota.